Hookup, situationship, seeing someone: a plain-English glossary
6 min read
Two people can spend three months together and give completely different answers to the question "so what are you two?" Neither is lying. They're using the same vocabulary with different definitions.
This is a glossary, not a lecture. No judgement about which of these is better — they're all legitimate, and most people move between several of them over a lifetime. The only real mistake is assuming the other person's dictionary matches yours.
The terms, and what people usually mean by them
Definitions vary by friendship group, city and age. These are the most common readings in the UK right now.
Hookup
Physical, no ongoing expectations. It can happen once or repeatedly. Notably, it's defined by what's absent — no plans, no introductions to friends, no next month.
Casual dating
Actual dates, actual conversation, no agreed exclusivity or direction. You'd text someone about your day. You wouldn't assume they're free on Saturday.
Situationship
The one everybody complains about. It looks like a relationship from the outside — regular nights in, meeting the flatmates, a running joke — with no acknowledgement of what it is. Usually one person is fine with the ambiguity and one isn't.
Seeing someone
Deliberately vague. Ask ten people and half will mean "early days, dating properly" and half will mean "nothing serious". Worth clarifying rather than assuming.
Dating with intent
You're assessing whether this person could be a long-term fit. Values, how they treat waiters, how they handle a disagreement about where to eat. Slower, and much more revealing.
Exclusive
Agreed, spoken, mutual. If it hasn't been said out loud by both of you, it isn't this — however obvious it feels.
Why people end up in different books
Apps built for volume never had a reason to make intentions visible. A one-word bio label does almost nothing when there's no cost to picking whichever one gets more matches.
So people guess. And most of us guess in whichever direction protects us from rejection — which is exactly how you get two people, six weeks in, telling their friends two entirely different stories about the same relationship.
One sentence that sorts it out
You don't need The Talk. You need a disclosure, early, that makes it easy for the other person to be equally honest.
"I'm dating properly at the moment — I'd rather see fewer people and actually get to know them" works because it isn't a demand. It's you going first. If the answer that comes back is "I'm not looking for anything serious", believe it the first time. That's information, not an opening position.
A better question than "what are you looking for?" is "what would a good year of dating look like for you?" People answer the second one honestly because it doesn't sound like a test.
Frequently asked questions
Is a situationship the same as casual dating?
No. Casual dating is agreed and understood by both people. A situationship is the version where nobody has said anything, and usually one person is quietly hoping it becomes more.
How soon should I say what I'm looking for?
Before the third date is a sensible window — early enough that neither of you has invested much, late enough that it doesn't feel like a screening call.
Can a hookup turn into a relationship?
Sometimes, but it isn't a strategy. If a relationship is what you want, saying so early costs you a few matches and saves you a few months.
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